Judging from the vast number of issues plaguing the American public on TLC specials, I’m certain there are individuals living with reverse problems. Oprah should come back from retirement to host an event that reunites The Woman Addicted To Eating Her Couch Cushions with The Lady Afraid To Go Near Her Couch. Now that would be great television.
I would definitely try to be cast on that extravaganza. I’m sure they would leave a spot for The Girl Who Is Deathly Afraid Of Body Piercing And Refuses To Step Foot In A Claire’s Accessories Store In Fear She Will Accidentally Get Pierced Due To Excessive Number of Store Fixtures And A Characteristic Lack Of Browsing Space. I’d volunteer to be paired up with The Girl Who Can’t Stop Getting Random Piercings and gain valuable life lessons.
I’d be a shoe-in for the lamest reality tv persona (a la eHarmony Cat Girl) except I finally DID get my ears pierced.
That’s right. One day in 2009, I decided I needed to just bite the bullet, marched down to mall and got it done. I brought my mom for moral support but the sales associate thought she was there to legalize the procedure.
“You can rent a car but you don’t have your ears pierced?!”
We waited behind a mother getting her 3 month old infant’s ears done, then a 1 year old getting her second hole. Before another mom could get her fetus’s ears bejeweled I hopped up onto that lovely domino square cushion and prepared for the worst.
Mall patrons passed by the glass window as the bumbling sales associate brought the gun to my ear. And before I knew it, I had earrings. The 30 days passed and I could finally switch to larger drop studs, then chandelier options. After a while, it felt like I had always had them.
When I’m getting ready for a night out and sifting through my ever-expanding collection of earrings for a complimentary pair my boyfriend likes to hustle me along to get out of the door on time. I proclaim “I need them, I’ll feel naked without something in my ears!” He retorts
“How is that possible, you never had them for 21 years and you were just fine!”
And I do feel fine. Everything was going just great….
THEN, SOMEONE BROUGHT CLIP EARRINGS BACK INTO STYLE.
Just when I think I’m getting a handle on things. I officially give up. Can’t even fathom going back to clip ons after I actually did the deed. So here’s my coping method: Rock these fab studs from Furbish Studio and fake it ’til I make it.